Sunday, January 27, 2013

Prince Charming is Dead. No, He Never Lived to Begin With.

I know this has already been said before but SERIOUSLY. Hollywood love story writers and romance novel authors should be exterminated from all corners of this world for creating the biggest lie ever--that there exists a man on this Earth who, after his woman leaves him because she could no longer put up with his jerkiness and boards a bus bound somewhere far from him, would run after that bus while crying and pleading, "Please, don't go, I need you and I love you and I realized how big of a jerk I am!" Worse than creating that lie, these writers have duped women into believing that this kind of guy actually exists in real life. And so when the men in these women's lives turn out to be NOTHING like how they are depicted in rom-coms and  literary works with romantic love as the central theme, they end up feeling extremely disappointed and stupid for believing that Adam Sandler's character in 50 First Dates lives among us. 

I hate to break it to you but no man would go at  such great lengths to not only be with you but to STAY IN LOVE with you eternally. Sure, they put their best foot forward during the courtship stage and the first few years of the relationship. But after a few more years, their true colors come out (I don't exactly know what their colors are when they court you and what their eventual true colors are but I imagine when they decide to pursue you, they display a sundry of happy colors--yellow, light blue, pink, light green--you know what I mean. Upon the lapse of several years of being in a relationship with you, those colors fade one by one to reveal a disgusting version of brown--yes, fecal matter brown.) and you realize that the "best foot" was actually a STINKING foot with fungi, dead black nails and mushrooms happily thriving in the spaces between their toes all along. They stop wooing you and when you express unhappiness and displeasure, hoping that they would get the message and change for the better, they instead say, "Oh well, let's just part ways. Clearly, we haven't been happy. We're really not meant for each other." And just like that, they disappear. No scene of him running after you, telling you how terribly sorry he is and promising (and actualizing his promises) to make up for all his shortcomings. No, none of that BS. The only scene you'll see is yourself alone in bed, crying yourself to sleep each night, and feeling stupid for even placing your faith in him that he was your, ugh, Prince Charming. Oh, Disney fairytale writers should be burned alive too, along with Bruno Mars for writing a song with these lyrics "I'd catch a grenade for ya/Throw my hand on the blade for ya/I'd jump in front of a train for ya/You know I'd do anything for ya/See I would go through all this pain/Take a bullet straight through my brain/Yes I would die for ya, baby/But you won't do the same." Yeah, right. And it is but right that I don't do the same for ya cause indubitably ya're just lying just like every male specie out there.

The moral of the story? Don't wait for a man to make you happy. Be your own happiness, be what makes you happy.  Because if you wait for a man to do that job for you, you will wait unhappily ever after forever and ever.

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